Sleep well. Forever now.

I don't know if I shoud write this out lah. Coz this is really a very personal thingy in my life. And it just happened. Like 30 November 2010. But I really need to let this outta my chest.

My Aunty, Mum's sister, couldn't move her whole body last night. That was what my Grandma told Mummy through the phone. They were planning to call the ambulance in the morning. Around 6AM, Yi Ma had no more breath. Then they hurriedly called the ambulance up. In the ambulance, the medics managed to revive and retrieve her pulse back. When she reached the hospital, she lost it again. So yea, my Yi Ma is no longer around as of 30 November. And it really came across as a shock when I received the SMS from Mummy around 10AM. How can someone, only 50+, pass away just like that? It's a bit hard to type this post. Halfway through, I got emotional and started crying. Because it finally strucked me. Like in the afternoon, I was still okay. But now, as I'm sitting in the living room alone, I finally have time to think and realise that today is really an eventful day. So many things happening today. My Aunt's death, my public speaking speech, supposed to have captain's ball, then I had Smile A Wish Main Comm meeting. Everything kept me busy that I didn't have time to process what really happened.

I sat down, just chatting with friends in MSN, and I realised. Yea, Yi Ma is really gone. Mum told me she was over there, being unable to move, sweating profusely and even peed on herself. It's like my Grandma was there. Imagine you over there, seeing your daughter unable to move, and all you could do is like practically nothing? She just cleaned my Yi Ma up and monitored her all the way to morning at 6AM. When she went breathless. Then they called up the ambulance. Your daughter, passing off before you and there is nothing you can do.

Life is really fragile. It's like so easy, a life can be taken away. Just one day, she is still fine, and the next day, gone like that. I guess no one in school could tell anything happened to my family. I guess I always put on a strong front. And only when I'm alone, then I let my emotions go. If only I worked a bit harder to reach out to her. Then she will at least get saved before she pass on. When I go to heaven one day, I will look around and see my family, but no Yi Ma. Coz I didn't work hard enough. If only I talked to her more and made her feel more comfortable and happy. Right now, everything can only be "if only" because there is nothing I can do now. Except to pay my respects at the wake. I'm afraid I would cry, when I see her face in the photoframe and in the glass coffin. Really, only when people go and leave you, then you will truly regret and wished you treated them much better. Right now, I guess I just wanna love my family even more and treasure them more, before they pass on so that there will be lesser regrets in my life. Anyone who is reading this, please go love your family more. Before you say "I regret".

P.S: I don't even have a solo picture I have with her. Except my baby pics.